Whatcha!!

Whatcha think you can just disappear with my son for almost two weeks?? Uncle Vick's Son!!

You think you can just not come back to my house - not make any further entries in our blog - not be family with me again?

That's my son. Not yours. We're brothers so our DNA is hard to tell apart. I don't believe Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman! 

I rushed that lesbian dentist. I pulled on some pants, but no shirt (just like you Irvy even if my muscles are more difficult to see than yours) and I stormed the street in front of my house and I scared that homosexual dentist out of her overalls. She was crying and begging me to stop hammering on her van window. Said she'd do anything if I'd stop. 

I ordered her to get out of her van. She told me to say hello to her Glock. She aimed it right at my beard, right through the window. I surrendered. She marched me back inside my own house. 

I wish to hell our neighbors cared enough to form a "neighborhood watch." 

So, now I'm held captive in my own home by a psycho lesbian. I guess it would take a cliche psycho lesbian to subdue a so-called psycho straight guy killer.

What's great is I can still work from home for Complete Wrap Health Care. I denied two heart bypass surgeries and one colonoscopy today. Saved the company more money.

I'm a good man. Psycho Dentista wants me to write to show everyone what kind of man I am to help her case. But, nothing I do is not my own idea. And my son was my idea. And guests in my house are always my idea...

Uncle Vick

A Pediatrician

My name is Dr. Son Ye Quinn. And please, if I hear one more "Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman" joke, I will stab myself with my pen!

I am the pediatrician for Sy Rorg, 7 months old. I examined him on June 4, 2009 and found him to be physically normal and healthy for a baby his age.

Mentally, however, he attempted to remove my wedding ring. Not like some babies, who enjoy shiny objects and coo. He grabbed my finger and with admirable dexterity unusual for a baby, grabbed my wedding band with both tiny hands, bit my finger so that I required stitches later, and pulled my wedding ring off of my finger when I screamed in pain.

The baby put the ring in his mouth and swallowed! He didn't accidentally swallow. He swallowed with intent, and then laughed and laughed and then burped.

I picked him up, and using a technique developed in Norway, I held him upside down (which caused his mother cry out and call for the nurse) I held him by his feet and patted his behind gently until he coughed up the ring and it clacked on the floor.

I have been treating this baby for psychosis, and his is the worst case I have ever seen.  The baby has learned several dirty words and repeats them quite clearly over and over. He called me a "cow ass."

We ran a second paternity test on the infant with a strand from Irv Rorg's hair and the test came out positive for Irv Rorg contradicting the first test run last Autumn. Positive for Irv Rorg despite Irv Rorg's history of a terrible wheat thresher accident which supposedly had rendered him unable to sire children. 

We called the hospital in San Jose and found out that the DNA test they ran last year had been contaminated and that a large man with a pot belly and a beard calling himself "Uncle Vick" had tampered with the test DNA and tampered with the administering nurse, as well.

I have a hard job and I hate having stitches on my fingertip and I take the stairs every day and certainly do not have a "cow ass."

Dr. Quinn

Mixed

Kwan walked up to me in the doctor's waiting room. Black vinyl pants and white hair just don't look right in a medical center. Of course, I wasn't wearing a shirt, so who was I to talk?

Everything moved in slow motion. She looked very pale. Her heels clacked on the marble floor. 

We had been separated so long, I hadn't processed yet how great it was to see her again. How much both of us had changed, at least on the outside. I was so glad to be out of Bakersfield. My pointy sideburns were gone. My hair wasn't as long. But I was still Irv Rorg. I could still be a stunt man again. 

I'm writing this out exactly as it happened, because at the time I dropped her Macbook.

In slow motion, she said: "The baby is yours."

The Root

My name is Kate Marie. I've made entries before in this blog. I'm a lesbian dentist and for a while I was stalked by Vick Rorg. Vick Rorg murdered my sister Tappie Marie and buried her in his backyard in November 2006. 

Vick Rorg was arrested on murder charges which I brought against him. He jumped bail, was stabbed in the spleen and sent to LA for a spleen transplant. 

I thought the LA cops would take him back into custody after that. Logical, right? No! Instead, Vick Rorg runs up to the Bay Area, steals a baby, is in hiding for months, and finally he has resurfaced at, get this, his LA home address, and still...no LAPD!!

After two root canals and a whitening mold this morning, I went downtown with my lawyer to refile my charges. You know what the LAPD told me??  Budget cuts and county jail crowding have prevented them from pursuing my case until January 2010 at the earliest.

WTF?? Do you California Citizens get it? You voted down all those initiatives to free up money and now BUDGET CUTS prevent me seeing this bottom feeder get the death sentence. 

I've parked outside his house for days and days, and he hasn't gone outside or even passed by a window!

I'm waiting for him. I'll go all Billy Jack on him if I have to! 

And no...you Christians...I am not this angry because of Prop. 8! Although, give me time...

Kate Marie

Kawasaki 500

Yeah, it's me-Irv!

I lost the white pickup as soon as I got to LA.  I've got an 08 Kawasaki 500 now! We bought it with Uncle Vick's American Express Card. It's amazing that even if you've been accused of murder, American Express will let you keep your account.

Kwan and I are together again and waiting at UCLA Children's Hospital. Sy is being seen by his pediatrician. Kwan slipped the little bugger a benadryl in his Wheatina this morning and it knocked the little sucker right out. We got him out of Uncle Vick's house and away from the basement door where his "daddy" refuses to come out. 

Kwan and I looked pretty hot riding the motorcycle into UCLA today. She's got those shiny vinyl pants and I had my shirt off...because that's the way I used to drive cycles when I did stunts for Universal. Sy was in a "baby harness" around Kwan's neck.

Here comes the doctor. He's got the baby in his arms and he and Kwan are talking while I write this on Kwan's macbook. After all, this was my blog in the first place, right?

The doctor looks very serious while he speaks to Kwan and Kwan...what's wrong?? She's looking at me with horror. 

Irv