I resent being referred to as "the fat kid." Yes, even by you, Irv. You are my best friend and I love you with all of my heart, but you can think of something nicer to call me. I've always dreamed of being called "Montana." Maybe from now on, you can call me Montana...or Splendido!
I'm glad that Thanksgiving is over. Irv was very nervous. We smoked pot to calm him down and we watched a lot of Fear Factor from my DVD collection. Irv loves Fear Factor because he used to be a stunt man. He likes the episode where the girl eats porridge made of giant worm larvae and then has to swim through sewage drains under a freeway.
Irv wants to leave my "undisclosed location." Especially, since the weather has gotten cold. I told him, no. He'll get arrested and all he did was defend himself. Irv says he meant to stab his uncle, but I say it was self-defense from all those years of putting up with such a rude bastard of a guardian.
Irv is mad at me. He says if I really loved him, I'd let him go free. I told him, I love him more than anything, that's why I made him that sweater and boxer shorts. He won't wear the shorts because he says they scratch him. Well, I don't know how to soften straw. That's all there is around here!
Nobody is going to take my Irv away from me. Not even Irv. I've saved him. He's mine. He's mine! He's so handsome.
I never liked that Kwan. And I don't think spleens need to be transplanted. Aren't they supposed to be unnecessary??
It's getting windy outside. The wind whistles throught the cracks in the wall here. The cops came by once but they didn't see us. I've got to go wrap Irv up so he stays warm. Maybe he'll let me kiss him again!
Marcus "Montana"
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