Spleen Not Covered

I am posting this message on behalf of Complete Wrap Health Insurance.  Victor Rorg, a managed care specialist currently on indefinite leave from our company due to his arrest for allegedly murdering family members at a holiday meal, has been denied his request for coverage for a spleen transplant.

Officer Beth of the LA Police Department submitted the paperwork for Victor Rorg, who is incapacitated after a recent stabbing at a pole dancing palace in the Bay Area.

We cannot provide coverage at this time.  Although, Victor Rorg remains on our Insurance Roster, spleen work is considered too risky for us to provide coverage.

Spleens that are damaged in fires, car accidents, balloon mishaps, restaurant explosions, or by cancer, are not covered by our company.

Spleens that are damaged by acts of God such as lightning strikes, volcanic plumes, hurricanes, glaciers, or cougar attacks, are not covered by our company.

Spleens that are stabbed, sliced, minced, altered by machinery, cloned, squeezed, or dyed, are not covered by our company.

We regret that we must deny coverage to one of our most valued employees.  We recommend vitamin therapy or a trip to Mexico, as these methods have helped other policy holders that we have not been able to insure due to our guidelines.

All the best,

Rene Bataglia

Officer of Managed Care 

Complete Wrap Health Insurance

California