Thursday, September 4, 2008

Letter to Sarah Palin From Kwan Johnson

Dear Sarah Palin,

I doubt you will ever read this blog. Although, anything is possible.

My name is Kwan Johnson and I am a former candidate for congress in a district within San Francisco.  I realize San Francisco is "the devil's workshop" as far as you are concerned, but nevertheless, we are both women and we both have tasted politics.

I have a one month old infant who exhibits sociopathic traits. I will not identify the father, because he reads this blog. 

I am living in San Jose at the moment with my mother in a one bedroom apartment filled with incense and a shrine made of cornstalk and birds eggs.

My question for you is simply this: You work in politics. How do you handle sociopaths? I mean what do you DO to outmaneuver them? Have you ever raised one? And dear God, if you are one yourself, then I may go mad.

You see, I love the baby's father. I love the baby, but...he tried to strangle me with his diaper this morning. I was rubbing noses with him and the next thing I knew the clean diaper I had set next to him was jammed into my my son!

He pushed and he pushed and he cooed ferociously!

I wrenched myself free.

Sarah Palin, you work with the worst kind of people, the most mentally twisted corrupt individuals.  Please tell me what to do about my baby boy!  

I haven't left my apartment since my son was born. I've cut my hair short and my face looks haggard. My mother sprinkles Vietnamese lotus petals on my pillow and burns them with matches to evoke the "spirits of protection," but Sarah Palin:

There is something wrong with my son!

Yours Truly (although I am a Libertarian)
Kwan Johnson