Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Like Father/Like Son

Hey Friends-
Uncle Vick here!

I got me a son! He looks like me and Kwannie. He and I are on a road trip. We're going to vote for McCain and that sexpot Palin. 

Look, poor little Irv, all trapped in Bakersfield with no dough, you and Kwannie got some nerve talking about me on this blog like I'm a bad candidate to be a father. Did it occur to you that I'm the only one of the three of us that gots a job?? Remember? I approve health care for people in Los Angeles. Remember? Yeah, I take breaks that last two weeks or more, but I got influence there.

Who do you think is going to get custody of this child? Kwan ain't go no job. Her mother is possessed by devils with six arms. They don't scare me with their threats of "friends" comin' to get me. 

Hold on, I gotta take a chicken wing back from the kid. When he eats meat you'd think he was a jackal the way he tears at it with his gums and fingers. He laughs so hard when he fights to get out of his child car seat. Yeah, Kwannie, I stole us a nice child car safety seat from a Mormon family that didn't know I was out in the parking lot by their SUV.

I won't tell you where we are, but I ain't runnin'.  I'll be checkin' the hot box next to Sarah Palin's name come Tuesday. I got a picture of her from the newspaper that I got folded up in my back pocket. When I drive, I tell the kid, "I'm ridin' Sarah Palin all the way to the White House!"

The kid loves that!  He loves his daddy. 

All the best to you both,
Uncle Vick

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Stolen Sy

Irv here--

If anyone reads this blog...I am sorry I have not written more lately. When the economy collapsed the mental health clinic where I've been working in Bakersfield cut back it's hours. To cut costs they had to cancel the Pyromania 12 step-program, and the Personal Hygiene Workshop. And the clinic is now only open on Wednesday and Friday.

I'm two months behind on my rent in the residential motel. 

But I won't feel sorry for myself. I can't. I was offered a job a meth lab a few miles from here.  Dear God, is that my only option?

But the worse thing that's happened is that Kwan's baby was stolen! Uncle Vick took him two weeks ago. The DNA test said Vick was the father, which I find hard to believe since Vick must have baboon DNA.

Kwan is still in San Jose. The only good thing that can come out of all of this is that maybe when Uncle Vick is caught they'll finally put him in jail for the murders two years ago, and the murder of my father last year.

Kwan knew some people from the political campaign she ran last year that are looking for Vick. People that are not good people, is the best I can say about them.

I've been smoking pot every day and live off of peanut butter. I need money and then I'm going back to LA to confront Uncle Vick. Maybe I can find work out there.

Yeah, I'm lonely. There's a woman down the hall I see every so often. She's the one that told me about the meth lab job. 

Kwan named her baby, Sy, short for Sylvester. She said the last thing she saw him do was eat a five dollar bill. Any son of Uncle Vick would act that way, I guess. Whoever heard of a psycho baby? Well, that's what Kwan says he is.

Uncle Vick, if you're reading this, those friends of Kwan are nasty bad. Take Sy back to her and find a good head doctor. That's good advice from family. You'll never follow it, but you can't say I haven't tried.

I'm going to a job interview at the meth lab today. It's the only work left for me out here in the "Real America."

I'll write again soon,

Irv Rorg